


Calming Rays of Sunlight

by luvsanime02



Series: Delete Winter [16]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Discussion of Cutting, Discussion of Stalking, Gen, Language, Therapy Session
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-01
Updated: 2015-05-01
Packaged: 2018-03-26 14:14:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3853627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvsanime02/pseuds/luvsanime02
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi thinks things might be finally getting better for all of them. That doesn't mean everything's perfect, of course.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Calming Rays of Sunlight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



**Disclaimer:** I don’t own Shingeki no Kyojin. That honor belongs to Isayama-sensei. I’m making no profit off of this fic.

########

 **Calming Rays of Sunlight** by luvsanime02

########

Once more, Levi finds himself sitting across the room from his therapist, Mike, and wondering why he even bothers to keep coming to therapy. It’s so irritating to deal with this when he already has plenty of other concerns. Of course, two of them are why he’s here.

He’s sitting in a comfy chair with one leg drawn up against his chest and the other one left dangling, ignoring with the ease of familiarity when his foot doesn’t touch the floor. His therapist is waiting, calmly.

Before, when the brats’ custody still wasn’t finalized, Levi had forced himself to speak up during these sessions. Now, though, he rarely talks. He might still be required to visit a therapist, but he no longer feels the constant pressure to appease everyone. None of them does anymore.

This is why Levi finds it sort of funny that apparently Eren and Mikasa are opening up more to Mike, while he is only distancing himself.

Whatever. Mike isn’t offended. He’d assured Levi once that he definitely prefers Levi’s silence now to the falseness of before. Still, it makes for a rather boring hour when Levi doesn’t feel like chatting.

Finally, Mike starts to stir, and Levi subconsciously braces himself. “Are you still checking in on Mikasa and Eren at school?”

There’s no censure in Mike’s voice, which is good because Levi doesn’t need that shit from an outsider. Instead, he sighs and leans his head back against the chair, his leg hanging motionlessly. “Yeah.”

‘Checking in on.’ It was a polite way of saying that some days Levi stalks the two kids from the time they leave the apartment to when they come home again. Most days, though, he can control himself enough that he simply drives by the school buildings once. It isn’t often that he can leave them alone for the whole day.

“Have you told them this?” Mike asks.

Levi grits his teeth and considers not answering. He thinks it’s stupid of Mike to ask questions that he already knows the answers to. “I haven’t exactly brought it up in conversation,” he says dryly.

Mike nods. “Why haven’t you?” he replies, which is new. Levi raises an eyebrow silently in question, and Mike shrugs. “Do you really think they’ll care if they know that you’re keeping an eye on them most days? They might even feel relieved.”

Levi mulls that over for a few minutes. Mike’s probably right. It’s unlikely that Mikasa and Eren would react negatively to Levi checking in on them during the day. So, why doesn’t he just tell them?

He knows the answer to that. “I don’t want to have to explain why.” Levi doesn’t want to look those two brats in the eyes and explain to them that he’s lost people before, many people, and that he doesn’t think he can live through losing someone else. That it’s not so much about keeping Mikasa and Eren safe as it is about protecting himself from further pain. Levi doesn’t want them to know that he’s that selfish.

As if in silent response to this statement, Levi sees Mike’s gaze flicker down to the long sleeves covering his arms. Levi wants to bristle at that, to get angry and storm out, but he can hardly blame the other man for trying to assess his mental wellbeing. After all, that is why Levi’s currently stuck in this office.

He doesn’t say anything, though, silently daring Mike to ask. It’s the one question that Levi has never shied away from, mostly because he knows that the topic makes others around him deeply uncomfortable, and Levi is an asshole who gets amusement out of this.

Mike looks at him frankly, not intimidated or put off by Levi’s attitude. “Are you still cutting yourself?” he asks simply.

Levi laughs, softly, and stares back. “Yes,” he answers, just as plainly.

It’s nothing new. Levi has been cutting for years, for most of his life, in fact. Usually his arms, but sometimes his legs too. He’d started because of what happened with Farlan and Isabelle, cut for a couple of years, stopped, and then had started up again when the next shitty thing had fucked up his life. Rinse and repeat.

Recently, he’s been indulging quite often.

Mike doesn’t look disappointed. Levi doesn’t know if he genuinely isn’t or if he can just hide it very well. “Are you being careful?”

A polite way of asking Levi if he’s suicidal. He’s not. Never has been. “It’s fine,” he answers shortly, knowing that Mike will infer all of this from his response.

“Have you been cutting as frequently lately?” Mike continues, relentless. Still, Levi doesn’t actually care that he’s prying about this.

He shrugs, his leg starting to swing back and forth slowly. “Not so much,” he answers honestly. The kids have been good lately. Hell, they’ve been better recently than since Levi met them. Mikasa was quiet and withdrawn, even for her, a couple of weeks ago, but she seems to be opening back up, and Eren-

He’s been changing the most. “Eren’s talking about joining the hockey team,” Levi divulges, even though Mike probably already know this from his sessions with the teen. “He seems really excited about it.” Something about the boy’s energy draws Levi and Mikasa in too, so when Eren’s happy and carefree they all seem to be, to some degree.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Mike comments.

“Yeah,” Levi agrees, turning his head a little to stare out of the window. “Things might actually be calming the hell down. Finally.”

Almost, he wonders if he’s jinxing himself, but it’s still true. Mikasa and Eren have friends. They’re often hanging out at the mall with them, or out somewhere to eat, like normal teenagers. Levi’s been enjoying the respite, even if it does turn out to be a brief one. For now, things seem good.


End file.
